My father had his last day of work yesterday, a momentous occasion I call his second retirement from the medical profession.  Looks like he’s already going stir crazy.  I received the below letter at 7:30am today.

Dear Mr. Near:
Please consider my application for the position of Product Manager.
After forty years of dealing with life and death issues, I now find myself unemployed.
Since I have never worked for a software company (or any company, for that matter) I shall be able to bring a fresh and unbiased approach to the company environment.
As you can see from the time of this posting, I am an early riser, and could easily arrive at the office ahead of anyone else.  I could have the lights on and the coffee ready.
My reputation has not been made by the speed of my work. I am actually famous for my slowness. There must be a place in your enterprise for a calm slow moving presence to counter all of those people who are madly off in all directions.
It may take me a few days to get used to the nitty gritty of your software, but I can start right in with the more important aspects of the job. You must have employees and customers dealing with the ravages of workplace stress. I can offer these individuals immediate and on site help in the form of  potent prescription medications, as well as on site psychotherapy. Headaches, chest pain, and sexual hang-ups can be dealt with immediately – I am sure that you can easily see that what would follow would be a marked increase in productivity from all concerned. The effect on “the bottom line” is sure to be noticed by your superiors, and you know what that means!
While I have only been unemployed for a few hours, I am anxious to get back into the game. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
John Near